Drawing patterns is an old dream and I did my first course on the subject in 2018 (with the lovely Elizabeth Olwen on Skillshare).
I got way too busy with other things, time passed and I forgot the little I learned.
I enrolled in a course by Ana Sanfelippo at Domestika and it is exactly about what I wanted to learn: tell stories with patterns.
1. Chose the theme
I was inspired by a short scene in the movie Gosford Park. I love the bedroom furniture and ladies style.
If you want to read my full analysis of this bedroom click here.
2. Define what to draw
My drawings were divided in 3 categories:
Characters: the ladies who socialize in the bedroom Elements: the furniture and window Miscellaneous: small objects of the room and wallpaper details
3. Decide where to use the patterns
Early on I decided I wanted to apply the patterns mostly for decoration. Fabrics, wallpapers and art prints are my main goal.
4. Search for references
I always like to get extra references for my projects, so they feel very unique.
For this project I also got inspired by:
Chinese scrolls and vases
French Toile de Jouy fabric and wallpapers
5. Draw the elements
This part took forever but it’s so important! I drew all elements by hand in my personal style, then digitalized all elements on Illustrator. It was a very long and exhausting process but now that I’m done I understand how important it is to draw each element very carefully.
Slide to see before and after!
6. Pattern creation
For this collection I drew 10 patterns, but in this first moment, I’m publishing just 3:
Brick / Toile inspired
7. Have fun with mockups!
I can’t finish an illustration without testing on a mockup. That’s how I adjust colors, proportion and other small details. When I worked as an architect, I couldn’t live without 3D models and mood boards.
I guess my brain still works the same, I need to see it in the real world!
8. Print fabrics and licensing!
Ok I’m not there yet! I’m still waiting for my fabric samples to arrive, but we will get there and I’ll be here updating you ASAP!
In the mean time check this super cute video I did for my my Instagram, speaking about my pattern process.
Gosford Park Scene: NBC Universal / Video Music: Spring @iksonmusic
If you love it and would like to see more, please check my portfolio page:
While their style is completely different from what I want for my own brand, seeing what they’ve done really opened my eyes. I never thought too much about developing an identity. It goes way beyond the logo, it’s more about the feeling you have when you use the website or visit Instagram, is also what kind of impression you have when you receive correspondence.
Being aware of that, I started to research color palettes, fonts, textures and overall feelings I wanted to express. It’s been a lot of research and planning and it’s an ongoing project.
The key words for the studio communications and design are elegant, delicate and modern.
Montserrat is my brand typeface
I chose Montserrat because it looks clean for printed publications but also friendly for Internet in general. I also really like how many apps have at least one variation of Montserrat in their library. It makes easy for me to keep using some of my favorite tools, like WordPress & PicCollage.
A lettering logo
Since I’ve been working with lettering lately, it just makes sense to develop a logo based on my handwriting. I participated in a hand lettering course by Martina Flor and one of the projects was to develop your own brand. I had a great time developing this logo and I’m happy to use it on my personal communication.
An updated icon
I’m going to keep the “studio doll” as portfolio picture for social media, promotional materials and other initiatives. She was redesigned as a digital icon and now I can apply to different contexts and colors.
I wanted to create a feeling of approachability. It was important to balance a modern and delicate side, so the brand has a mix of warm and cold tones and vibrant accent colors.
To make sure I was able to achieve the aesthetic I was aiming for, I studied texture and color combination with a few mood boards. I wanted something feminine, professional and efficient.
I also didn’t want my communication to appear not caring or impersonal.
The new style will be used on my business cards, promotional postcards, documents like invoices or meeting notes and envelopes.
Social Media Application
I created templates for my Instagram stories and other social media applications. The goal is to have a consistent communication in all my online channels and always refer to my brand name. I usually don’t sign my pieces when they are lettering works. Also there are some occasions when my signature is not visible on a picture.
Having a brand template also helps protect my creations.
Studio Wall Application
The new lettering can be used to decorate the studio walls and reinforce the brand image. At this moment I actually don’t have a dedicated studio but I like the idea of having a place, specially if in person meetings become normal again.
There is much more to develop in the future, like photography guidelines and illustrations that are made specific for the brand. It’s an ongoing project and so far I’m very happy about it. How about you? Leave me a message!
Remember when I said I was going to postpone the launch of my collections for 2 months? I thought that would be enough. Guess what? That won’t be enough!
I was working on my Halloween collection last week and I was really enjoying and having tons of fun. But yesterday I realized it’s already September 3rd and I don’t have any completed drawings. Not even 1! You might think, oh you have almost 2 months to Halloween. But I actually don’t.
I have a full time job
I’m going to visit my husband’s family for 10 days
Halloween collection should be released about 2 weeks before Halloween…
So I calculated and basically I have 20 days to do everything (16 pieces, between stickers, illustrations and handwriting quotes). I started to think about cutting some of the drawings and making a smaller collection. Then I thought about skipping Halloween completely and start working on the Christmas collection. But I didn’t like that idea. Why would I publish the whole Thanksgiving collection for September/October and then spend again another month and a half without posting anything again and then suddenly post a ton of Christmas drawings? People want some consistency!
Well, yesterday I was painting the floor of one of the art studios I work at. I love those days when I can do something mechanical, it helps me put my mind back in place. I thought a lot about many things.
Pushing myself so hard is destroying my creativity
Drawing takes time! While it’s nice to work with a sense of urgency, I can’t keep like a machine. I need to be kind to myself. So I took a hard decision, but this will give me peace of mind. I postponed everything for the next year, including the Thanksgiving collection that is already done.
I’m going to create enough drawings to have a “savings account” of drawings. I want to have 6 months of drawing collections ready before starting posting on social media.
This might not make sense for most people. You might be thinking: why don’t you just draw and post like you did before? Why make such a big deal?
It’s been a while I like to work in collections (astrological signs collections, months collections, holidays collections, etc). I prefer to work in collections because it allows me to tell a complete story and I feel very accomplished. The other reason is that collections help organize visually my portfolio and offer a variety of products on the same theme. It’s pretty much like a fashion collection. I’m pretty much inspired by fashion, so it makes sense to plan collections like a fashion designer plans for the runway.
So that’s what’s going to happen. I’ll keep posting behind the scenes here and I’ll offer a few isolated drawings online until I get my collections organized and well stocked. Best news I got this week, I was approved on Giphy, so soon I’ll make lots of gifs available for Instagram and Facebook. Keep in touch!
Improving a skill requires constant effort. As an illustrator, I’m always trying to find interesting ways to tell stories through drawing. After a long gap without producing art, I finally felt inspired again and started a series of illustrations in late May. I was motivated and happy but in less than two months I felt trapped and had to stop again to reorganize my plans. What happened?
I’ll tell you the truth. I’m addicted in social media.
I need to draw, post on Instagram and see the reaction of people immediately. I even started to post videos everyday sharing not only the completed drawings but also the process and each part of what I was doing. The result? In one month I got stressed and bored. Every time I was not producing fast enough, I would feel guilty and on my videos I would repeat just “I’m stuck, I’m stuck, I’m stuck”. So annoying! Not having time to reflect about my work led me to make a lot of mistakes and bad choices. In the last week of July I chose some very strange colors and did some really weird patterns. Not proud!
Making these mistakes helped me realize I needed more time. I decided to draw 2 months in advance, so in August I started to draw for Canadian Thanksgiving , October 12. That was a great decision. I finally got time to breathe and see a full collection finished before I started posting. It’s been challenging to stay away from social media and don’t see interactions everyday, but I believe this will be very important to start producing good quality artwork.
I recently finished reading On Writing, from Stephen King and it’s a great book! Here is something he said that was important for me (on drawing on my case)
Write with the door closed, rewrite with the door open. Your stuff starts out being just for you
I think I opened too much of my process and the truth is that most people are not interested, except for my artist friends. That limits too much my potential and reach. Also makes me insecure about my choices and I feel very inconsistent, as I rush things to show in public fast. I also notice I don’t give myself time to review my work.
If you are in the creative career, either writing, painting, music, anything artistic, I really recommend this book. I’ve never read other books from Stephen King because I’m not into suspense stories but I really enjoy learning about his creative process and where he gets inspiration for his projects.
I also watched the September Issue again. I love this documentary about Vogue and Anna Wintour. I really love Grace Coddington participation, Anna and Grace are both really inspiring women in very different ways. It’s great to see how they prepare the fashion editorials, how the teams plan the stories and what happens in the edition room. I like how they take their job very seriously and how sometimes hard decisions are made to keep the magazine aligned with their ideals. One thing I noticed is that they started the plan for the September issue about 5 months before the launch! I didn’t know they start so early.
All this helped me regain my focus. I finished my fall illustration series and I’m ready to start the Halloween series. I will post on Instagram only in September but if you are reading here you can see my fall illustrations before everybody! Just visit my portfolio page –> here.
That’s it for today! Thank you so much for reading and we keep in touch!
We often hear stories about people who change their careers for something completely unrelated and become extremely successful in their new areas. One of my favorite examples is the business entrepreneur Sara Blakely. Sara got a degree in law but was not able to pass the LSAT test. She spent seven years selling fax machines door to door until she finally invented Spanx and today her company is worthy one billion dollars. In numerous interviews, she looks to her past and explains how being repeatedly rejected and learning to deal with failure set her up for success. I also like Steve Jobs’ journey. In a very famous speech at Stanford University, he explains why dropping college and enrolling on a random calligraphy course was essential for the success of Apple later on. Even being fired from the company he founded contributed for his success, as he used this time to start other creative companies like Pixar, today a multi billion animation company.
I’m fascinated by this kind of journey because I’ve been in a career transition as well. Although I graduated and worked as an Architect, it’s been 5 years since I decided to become an artist. During this period I worked at a coffee shop, clothes store, department store and finally at an art studio. In 5 years I got some praise but also I heard multiple times I was wasting my talent. The fact that I served coffee at Starbucks for 2 years was a source of much controversy. Why would an architect with a masters degree decide to serve coffee? How would this contribute in any way for the development of an art career?
Deep inside me I knew I was learning from this experience but since I couldn’t see the outcome, many times I got anxious or frustrated during my journey. Looking back, I can finally see things coming together and the more I work, the more everything makes sense.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.
Focus on what you can control
When I decided to become an artist, I got a part time job at Starbucks, and started classes at the Alberta University of the Arts. Every morning I wore an apron and served coffee, all afternoons and evenings I was drawing or studying. I had big dreams and was full of creativity and motivation. I couldn’t see clearly where I would reach, but I was happy and focused.
The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter into one of the most creative periods of my life
People around me couldn’t understand. I remember introducing myself to a new person saying ” I’m studying arts” and some friend discreetly would add “but she has a masters degree in architecture!”. I used to get upset at these reactions because I thought my friends were embarrassed from my choices. Today I understand it was not their fault. If I couldn’t see clearly the future, why would I expect other people to be able to see? This was beyond my control. In these past 5 years I learned to focus on what I can control, that means, what I want to study, how many hours I can dedicate to my practice, how I respond when I face a challenge. People’s reactions to my choices are beyond my control. I choose to don’t get upset anymore.
Keep track of your progress
I spent my whole first year exploring the city with a sketchbook and a black marker. In the beginning I used my phone to take pictures of my work and the environment around me. After a while, I noticed other artists presented their work in a more clean way. I got a scanner and stopped sharing pictures that were not art related. All my drawings were based on the reality around me and I was afraid of colors.
Studying colors was the biggest change of all. I went from simple black and white sketches to very colorful compositions. The architectural style gave way to experiments. Acrylic paintings, pastel drawings, watercolors, pointillism, chalk markers. Animals became my favorite theme because they could be so colorful. I learned a lot. Working at Starbucks made a huge impact in my art. Since I was constantly drawing chalkboards for them, I brought the black background to my paintings and also started learning about typography. The experience of working in this huge company also taught me many business lessons, the most important of all was understanding what a vision is and why I should have one if I wanted to grow.
In the beginning of 2018 I developed my own vision, I want to make the world more interesting. Everything that contributes to my vision is given priority, anything that doesn’t help me achieve the vision is abandoned. Many times I discarded artworks because I didn’t think they were interesting enough. The vision should be something huge and abstract, not a simple goal. I’ve been following this vision since then.
Looking to the past I noticed I didn’t have a consistent style. I was all over the place. I decided to experiment again until I could find “my style”. I also wanted to understand the meaning of “interesting” for me. At this point I already knew I wanted to work with limited colors, mix them with some black and white and use more patterns. First I got inspired by fashion illustration and later for art for kids. I tried digital drawing, unexpected colors, printmaking, stamps and stencils. Experimenting and going out of my comfort zone was essential to discover what I liked or not.
Much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on
I finally understood what I consider interesting. My whole life I loved to read and I have read lots of books. Many years ago I even had a blog about books and movies, I used to analyse how people tell a story. I discovered the most interesting thing for me is storytelling. All my illustrations should be part of a story or be the story on itself. The techniques and style has been compressed to just follow the story. This is what I’m working on now.
Looking back to move forward
Keeping track of my own art, constantly reviewing it and comparing with other art I like was essential to identify opportunities for growth. I archive my drawings and the process to arrive at the final piece. Stephen King expresses this idea much better than I when he speaks about writing. The same could be applied to any form of art:
“You have to read widely, constantly refining (and redefining) your own work as you do so. It’s hard for me to believe that people who read very little (or not at all in some cases) should presume to write and expect people to like what they have written, but I know it’s true. If I had a nickel for every person who ever told me he/she wanted to become a writer but “didn’t have time to read,” I could buy myself a pretty good steak dinner. Can I be blunt on this subject? If you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that. Reading is the creative center of a writer’s life. I take a book with me everywhere I go, and find there are all sorts of opportunities to dip in …
Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
In 2015 I simply copied the reality around me, without thinking so much. The exercise of studying other people’s art and process lead me to improve my own process and make it much deeper. Today I define my theme and start with some loose sketches and simple written notes. As I get to the first concept, I study what other artists did, as well as explore my own memories. When I feel I have a stronger visual base, I advance on my drawings and add more details, while I transform my written notes into a text. The process is a collaboration between memories, references, drawings and thinking. For me, an idea is a person climbing a narrow gap between two buildings. It departs from the pavement, made from my memories and references. It puts the feet on the wall of the first building, my drawings. Get some impulse and put a feet on the second building, my writing. It keeps climbing dangerously with the support of both building, writing and drawing, never losing sight from the floor, my memories and references. Will the idea trip and fall back to my mind? Or will it reach the top? Can my ideas fly?
Be excited about what you don’t know
Understanding there is so much to learn is the best way to discover new techniques and approaches to solve problems. My career changed in some unexpected ways, one discovery led to another and I’ve seen myself walking on paths I’ve never imagined before.
Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know.
Improvement can only exist if I’m willing to see new ways of doing things. As we plant the seeds of our destiny, we imagine and plan where we are going to reach but so many discoveries on the way lead us to unexpected paths. The circle of choices is open but it’s my mind that closes its border. I’m the one who creates this invisible ceiling and says – here is where it stops. What if I could see there is no end?
Changing the mindset is the most interesting way to grow and discover value in our own experiences. Imagine how many combinations you can make with each piece of the knowledge you already have.
Good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky: two previously unrelated ideas come together and make something new under the sun. Your job isn’t to find these ideas but to recognize them when they show up.”
Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
Today I feel I’m combining everything, there was no right or wrong path. Skills from all my previous jobs, ideas from all my hobbies, memories from all my travels, slowly all my life experience is getting compressed and molded into new matter and transformed in illustrations. The unexpected is great. The mystery and vastness of the future are fascinating for me.
Do you wonder what the future holds? Do you ever wonder where you will be in 5 years? If I could look through the crystal ball, I would visualize an immense maze of ways and possibilities. The maze of our destiny is so vast it simply doesn’t have an end. It’s infinite. Walking on the roads of my destiny, every single day I discover new possibilities, every single moment I can make a new choice.
All these experiences together brought me where I am now. Working with large companies and learning about business helped me understand how I should guide my own career. Being open, trying with different art supplies, techniques and ideas helped me improve the quality of my artwork. The love for reading made me understand how a good story is important for me. Being excited about the future motivates me everyday.
Would you like to see your career growing in ways you never imagined before? Here is what I see so far:
Focus on what you can control
Keep track of your progress
Look back to move forward
Be excited about what you don’t know
I hope you enjoyed reading this post! Leave a comment or share, I would love to know how you are approaching your own career growth. Thanks for your visit!
Hi! How are you today? I hope great! For me it’s been a very productive week with so many insights and personal growth. I drew a lot, wrote a lot and learn so many things.
I’ve been inspired by an online game called Covet Fashion. It’s a funny online game where you dress your “doll” according to a description of a story. You need to use certain clothes or accessories to “pass” a challenge. The game is telling the story of Etta who crossed a portal and now is travelling in the sky. When she arrived in the sky everything was very weird, she saw this strange woman walking on top of the clouds and her pet was an alligator. The game challenge us to style a look using leather boots and acrylic sunglasses. Now I cannot imagine… you cross a portal, fall from the sky on a cloud and there she is, this very cool lady walking her alligator. Ha! Ok!
I decided to create an illustration based on that. I started to think about how I could show the shoes and have something dynamic with the alligator. I remember those modern paintings from the moderns times, like the Abaporu, by Tarsila do Amaral. I wanted the woman a bit in perspective, feet large and head far in the sky. I didn’t want to exaggerate too much her proportions, so I tried to remember examples in real life. Suddenly I remember this advertise from Nike from many years ago and I was so happy I was able to find a screenshot I took at the time. Nike really knows how to feature their shoes!
I got her some Miista boots with an amazing snake pattern and then all I needed was her pet. After a bit of researching I found a crocodile from an old Peter Pan book and I tried to draw it more playfully and sassy. I also added some pattern to make it connect with the boots and of course, I put it on a leash since it’s a well behavior alligator.
My idea is to create free wallpapers for iPhone and other mobiles. I started using as a background my own lock screen and it’s just so awesome, makes me feel very cool. I imagine I’m this giant woman, facing up the sun with my mind distracted in another universe. My alligator friend tells me something spicy, look how his hand is all sassy, we are full of attitude. We have hours of conversations in the sky, traveling between pink clouds, there is nothing else in the world. Life is really cool! ⠀⠀
The best thing about this illustration is how much I achieved and how well I used skills I’ve been working on. Click on the images to see some of the skills I used in this image.
Drawing on iPhone
I think it’s so cool to create art for iPhone directly on my iPhone! I’ve been drawing all my artwork with a strange (but wonderful) stylus called Pony, using Procreate Pocket. When I downloaded the Procreate app last month, I started by doing a ton of studies with just my finger. Drawing with my finger helped me keep one eye on the scale of the project and have an overall feeling of the artwork. My amazing painting instructors always taught me to start with my largest brushes. Do you know why? Because it gives the feeling of the painting, it directs the composition, fills quickly the canvas and avoids overworking or getting lost in details. Drawing with the finger is like that, your finger is that super large brush. It’s a great start, but at a certain point, you need a smaller brush. That’s why I got a stylus. Buy why this stylus is so strange?
IPhone surfaces are designed to react with your finger, a wide surface that transmits energy to the screen. You can try a stylus with a sharper tip and they won’t work, your iPhone is not capable of understanding. So Pony found a great solution, this style with a transparent disk! The disk is wide enough to transmit the information for the iphone, and is transparent, so you can see what you are drawing. It’s connected to the pen by a flexible piece, allowing you to incline the pen while you draw. I love my Pony stylus! People who are familiar with the iPad pencil might get a hard time with a Pony. It’s definitely harder to make precise lines or really express your strokes with that tip. But I got used very quickly and I just love the freedom of making art anywhere at any time. Can you imagine changing all art supplies, tons of brushes, pigments, pencils, papers, canvas, sponges, easels, boards, all that volume of things for something that you already have in your pocket? I love my traditional art materials, but I’m seriously hooked by the digital art and all the freedom and possibilities I see here.
Dreaming about hidden worlds
Imagining different realities has been an amazing source of inspiration. While I was thinking about clouds and sunglasses and strange new things, I started to retrieve memories from a long long time ago, when I was about 7 and my mom hired a girl to help her babysit my sister. This girl was a very funny and was always dreaming about having the perfect boyfriend. She would spend all the free hours of her day looking at gossip magazines and admiring all these guys from the movies and advertisements. This happened during the 80’s and the standards for men were quite different from today, their faces were quite angular and their presence felt a bit distant, sometimes even robotic. In one of her magazines there was an advertisement from RayBan where the guy was standing there, very masculine, with all these clouds reflected in his sunglasses. It was so cool! When I thought about sunglasses and clouds, that was the image that came to my mind. I decided to use this reference and mix with something more current. After searching how people advertise sunglasses today, I found an ad from Lanvin that I liked, the girl was cool and the composition was simple but well done. I especially like the plant on the right side or the picture, it brings a bit of mystery to the story and softens her expression.
I choose to base my drawing on this picture because it is somehow connected but opposed to the energy from the RayBan ad and it was fun to play with these concepts. The guy was facing forward, outdoors in the sun, nothing in front of him. The girl was behind a plant, indoors and in the shadows. But both look distant and in another world. Mix and match with a bit of line drawing and here it is, this designed a cool lady ready to escape to new hidden worlds.
I found it funny how I mixed an online fashion game with memories from the 80’s and advertisements and got here. I love thinking about the creative process and all these associations of ideas.
Multiplying an idea
Every time I create an illustration I want to create a set of other illustrations that are inspired and related to the main work. It’s an exercise I’ve been doing to multiply my art and transform one concept in many interconnected works. I love the idea of collage and during the quarantine I discovered an app called PicCollage. I stayed hours and hours creating silly collages with any image that attracted my mind, escaping to a world with no limits and full imagination. The main purpose of the app is to add a frame and stickers to your picture, or use it like a scrapbook. There are thousands of backgrounds in all colors and textures, and the stickers are designed by many illustrators around the world, in all kinds of styles and themes. There are also fonts and other features I didn’t discover yet. I started to use the app everyday just for fun and then I wanted to have my own stickers and backgrounds to make even more collages and create compositions with my own works.
While studying how to represent snake pattern, I drew over the boots design by Miista. Then I thought, hey, I can transform these boots in a sticker! So I mix some stickers from other artists and my own and create a silly but awesome PicCollage. Is this a masterpiece? For sure no, but it’s so much fun and helps me release the power of my own imagination!
Creating a collection
In the same idea about multiplying my art and getting more out of the same theme, I’ve been creating simple patterns that brings happiness and hope for those who see them. I plan to design those patterns fast and don’t worry too much about details, but in reality, I actually struggle. The pattern for this collections was particularly challenging. I started with the idea of drawing a swamp full of alligators. I chose my colors and composition, searched for references and started drawing. The more I drew, the less I liked the results. It’s not that the drawing was bad, but it was not communicating what I wanted to tell. After 3 days working on the same idea, I had an “A-ha!” moment. I finally realized my mistake was placing the alligators floating horizontally on the water.
Although that was a fine image, it had nothing to do with my theme, it was too static and realistic. Looking at my own works I saw that I needed to keep the composition more dynamic and that the theme was all related to the clouds and imagination. Alligators on a swamp is common place, what is new is alligators on clouds. The concept was wrong and I was telling the wrong story, no matter how good was the drawing, I would never get the result I wanted.
I spent so much time thinking and researching about alligators I started to see alligators everywhere! I’m very happy about what I was able to achieve and this was important to stay within the concept.
Drawing this collection was just so much fun and I feel I’ve been travelling with Etta in this strange new world. If you loved the concept and would like to travel too, you can use one of my wallpapers on your phone as well. Send me a email requesting the image and I’ll be happy to send you. Just choose one or all of the 3 wallpapers below
The joys and challenges of this art process were immense and added so much to my life. I feel I’ve been to a real journey. If you enjoyed learning about all this adventure and had fun while reading, leave me a comment, push like or share this post. I want to know more about your dreams and what makes your head get lost in the clouds. Thank you so much for reading and see you in the next adventure!
These last 2 weeks, although I’m working full time, I produced more drawings than the whole year of 2019. Being busy was not pushing back my art career, it was my emotional state.
Working in Canada has been intense
Being an immigrant is no vacation. Since I moved to Canada in 2014 I’ve been always working very hard and rarely take some time to evaluate my life and goals. In my first year as an immigrant I just survived, and it was tough. I had 2 jobs and lived in 4 different addresses. It was exhausting. At the end of that year I quit my job and went to Brazil for 5 weeks. I didn’t want to do anything, I just wanted to rest. That was when I had my first insight, I wanted to change my career, I wanted to become an artist.
I got back to Canada and enrolled in a visual arts and illustration program. I applied for a new day job and I got 5 job offers for management positions in retail. Salary was reasonable but all jobs were full time and seemed like a lot of responsibility. At the same time I also applied for a part time job as a barista at Starbucks because I felt that just making coffee would leave my creative energy free for my art production. Starbucks called me. That was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I remember long conversations with my family and friends about how I could make my art career possible, how to balance day job and dreams. My mom was the one who reminded me that I could get a management job in retail anytime, but “if you want to be an artist, you need to try it now”.
So I got the job at Starbucks and started studying at a local university. In the extra time I worked on my own drawing projects and yes, it was tough. Awesome, but tough. I did that for 2 years and one day after a stressful shift I just quit. I was already doing exhibitions, got a few small commissions and a local newspaper even wrote an article about my work. I thought, ok, I can survive as an independent artist. I counted my savings and boosted my work for 6 months. It was great but I made some mistakes on the way. I got in debt when I did my first solo exhibition, I invested money on equipment for taking pictures of my art work, custom frames and art supplies. These things were necessary but my inventory didn’t move as fast as my expenses.
At a certain point, I had to get another day job. That’s when I started teaching at an art school for kids. In the beginning it was part time and I was still producing a lot of illustrations and funding my independent career. I paid my debt, I got my work at an art gallery, pieces started to sell here and there, I was happy. I got married, moved to a cute house, things were moving well and I was moving towards my dream. But personal challenges came on the way. Last year, in April, I faced something devastating emotionally. I didn’t notice at the time, I didn’t see how it would affect me, but it did and it was very deep. I pretend nothing happened. When the art school offered me a position to become a manager full time, I accepted and I started working very intensely. I abandoned my drawings and illustrations. I lost all my hope. I firmly believe I would never be happy again. When people asked me what happened and why I was not drawing anymore I would blame it on the job. “I’m too busy”.
For one year and a half I didn’t touch a pencil
Then the pandemic came, I was temporarily laid off. Suddenly there was so much free time! But in my first month at home I just watched the news and got upset about everything. I didn’t touch one art supply. On my birthday, in April, it had passed one year after the tragic event from 2019. It was like someone was slowly turning on the lights of a very huge building, switch after switch. I started to eat healthy again, exercise daily, I lost 3 quilos. I did fun things like playing online games, watching cute movies. Suddenly, boom! Something turned on all the lights at the same time in my head! All the pain stopped. My drawings ideas were back. My art goals hit me like a thunderstorm. I realized I’ve been mourning for a full year and that was what stopped me. It was not my job, not my new routines, nothing. It was my emotional state.
Since things got clear, I see inspiration everywhere. I’m inspired by the stories that are happening now, the game I was playing, the movie I was watching, the advertisement I saw in a magazine. Ideas are flourishing everywhere. In the last 2 weeks I produced more than the whole last year. I am working full time now, exercising 5 times a week, eating home made food practically everyday and I’m on a spree of energy and creativity.
People don’t see when depression takes over. It happens so slowly, we think things just changed for good. We changed. We gave up. That’s not true. Now that it’s over, I see clearly how I was affected by my emotional state. I’m finally happy again. I feel powerful and motivated, I feel I can do anything again. It’s just beautiful!
Healing takes time, don’t give up!
It’s hard to believe I’m drawing again. Now that it’s over, it just feels I had a bad dream. Emotions are important. I usually pretend things doesn’t affect me and then they stay in my subconscious poisoning everything. Some things we can face and deal with it, but others, we need to give time to heal and there is no way around. If I didn’t ignore what was going on, I wouldn’t feel so guilty about not making art, or feel so pressured about my routine and goals. I would have been more patient to myself and accept I was healing. I wouldn’t try to blame other people or other things for my lack of initiative. I didn’t produce because it’s was not possible due to my emotional state and I needed the time to heal. I’m happy I understand that.
From now on I’ll start posting these new illustrations here on the blog and speak more about my process and what I’m doing. I’m so happy about this new spree of creativity I can’t wait to start sharing everything. Keep posted and again, thanks for reading!